...it's been too long! I just checked and the last time I blogged was on July 15th. Sorry about that. Lots going on...
Just to quickly fill you in on what's been going on:
I'm planning my 15 year class reunion. The reunion is this weekend, and when I'm home and have time to be on the computer, I'm pretty much working on reunion stuff. I should mention that I'm planning this reunion BY MYSELF. It was my idea, and that's all fine and good, but GEESH! A little more work than I really need at 5 months pregnant! I'm really excited for the actual reunion though! I'm one of those people who remembers everyone and LOVES to bump into old friends and classmates! I'm constantly reminding people who I am, when I rush them with open arms and they stare blankly at me because it's been 15 years! A reunion is right up my alley!
My brother and his family are in town! It's absolutely wonderful to have them all here, but it, too, takes up a lot of my free time. I've been lucky enough to see them EVERY day, which is great! I miss living close to them - they live in Denver. 2,000 miles away from my niece and nephew is definitely not the greatest. I only get to see them 2-3 times a year. So anyway, that's where I've been!
On the pregnancy front, I'm halfway there! Whoop whoop! On one hand, I can't believe it's half way over. But on the other hand, I can't believe I still have to get through the second half! For a little while there, I was feeling A LOT better. Now feeling great comes and goes. I'll take what I can get, let me tell you, because when I'm feeling lousy there is just no hiding it. I've gotten HORRIBLE headaches, still nauseous from time to time (I was incredibly nauseous for most of today, and gagging and heaving all day), and I canNOT sleep these days. I don't know what the problem is.
The very day that we got the air conditioner (maybe 3 weeks or so ago) I slept like a log for about 2 weeks. And now in the last week or so I've been sleeping pretty soundly for 3-4 hours and then once I wake up to go to the bathroom (which is pretty much unavoidable, no matter how little I drink at night) I cannot get back to sleep. It's SO frustrating! I could cry every morning around 4-5am, when I wake up because I just know I'm not going to easily fall back to sleep. I will say that I usually am woken up when my dear husband gets up to use the bathroom and that REALLY frustrates me. There's obviously nothing he can do about it, but I wonder if I'd be able to sleep through the night if say, Ed slept on the couch????? Poor Ed. I would never ask him to do this, but I AM curious. It's not like I wake up on my own because I have the need to pee...he gets up to pee, and then once I'm awake I realize I REALLY have to pee. (sorry for using the word pee over and over but it just sound better than urinate) Sometimes I whine to him and say: "Just one morning I want to be able to sleep past 5am!" But again - what's he going to do about it? I'm very lucky and my husband is SO great to me and does EVERYTHING under the sun to make this pregnancy easier. If only I could somehow get him to hold his pee longer, he'd be perfect! Oh well.
Warning: this next paragraph is about sex. If you don't feel comfortable reading, skip to the following paragraph.
So, I mentioned in one of my last posts that my sex drive had returned. Well, this still stands true. BUT. And a big giant BUT indeed... Poor Ed has lost interest. I don't know if it's really that he's lost interest necessarily, but he's scared that we're hurting the baby and so he really doesn't want to have sex. At all. It's such a bummer, because the few times that we did have sex, it was unbelievable. And I had heard this...orgasms during pregnancy are intensified (due to increased blood flow) for some, and that seemed true for me. But NOT for Ed. It kind of makes me laugh to think about how he was so preoccupied with jostling the baby around that he couldn't think of anything else (think Knocked Up). So, ultimately, sex turned into something that we were doing just for me. Part of me thinks that's fine, but the other part of me gets fixated on how NOT into it Ed is and then it makes me not want to even go there. Ugh. Kind of a disaster for me because I tend to over analyze our entire relationship...are we going to drift too far apart....are we ever going to recover...how long after the baby's born will it be normal again...and then we'll have an infant IN THE ROOM...how's that going to work out for us? A million questions surrounding sex and our relationship and our future go through my mind. I mentioned this to my doctor and really, all he could say was that I needed to really explain to Ed that sex doesn't bother the baby at all. Well, we've read that, I know that. And Ed knows that, too. He just has a hard time believing it I guess? I don't know. I don't think it's that he's not attracted to me, because he seems to be. He seems to love my body. I guess, actually, as I ponder this more, that he thinks I look so cute. Perhaps he's not that attracted to me sexually? I don't know. I can't really go there, because even if he isn't, what can I do about it? I'm gaining weight (rapidly, I might say) and that's just the way it's going to be for the next few months. I just read on the bump.com that this is a common problem with husbands, for many different reasons. I felt so badly for the women who were posting on the wall about this stuff - some husbands flat out said they weren't attracted to their wives anymore, or that they were turned off completely by the pregnancy. I certainly don't feel like that. I think it's more that Ed is nervous about stirring things up down there. One day I randomly got a text from Ed telling me that it bothered him and he felt so badly that I was having a hard time accepting that I'm gaining so much weight. He told me to try really hard to let it go and that we would work on it togehter after the baby came and that he thinks I'm "drop dead" no matter what. He's really so so sweet to me, so I can't complain. I would like to have sex though. Ha! Ok, moving on...
Let's talk about weight gain, shall we? Even pregnant, I can't let go of the weight thing. I had my OB appt 2 weeks ago and really all that went on there was weight, urine test, doppler (which I do at home, but it's still kind of a big deal and I still smile every time - THIS time we could hear her kicking up a storm for the first time), and some chatting about this and that. Last month (now 6 weeks ago), I had actually lost 4 pounds for the month. That was very exciting to me, as you may remember from my blog post, because I was convinced I was gaining a ton of weight that month. This month, it was quite the opposite. I thought for sure that I had pretty much stayed the same. Looking back, I'm not sure how I rationalized this in my mind, but nonetheless, I did. Turns out I gained TEN POUNDS in 4 weeks. That brought me up to a total of 17 pounds in 18 weeks. Wow. Just wow. How did that happen?!??! Well, I know exactly how it happened! Ice cream 5 out of 7 nights a week, bagels with cream cheese every morning for breakfast, dessert every single time we eat out (which has been a lot lately - birthdays and social gatherings, etc.) and a continued strong aversion to vegetables - especially leafy green vegetables. Thanks goodness for prenatal vitamins!
I was really feeling ok with all this, because I felt cute. I love looking pregnant! Then I saw some pictures of myself from last night. YIKES! It seems I'm gaining weight all over, and it ain't so cute anymore. Hahahaha! I was cute for a couple of weeks. Now I can totally see the weight gain in my neck and chin and face, not to mention my back and arms. Not so fun. But hey - I'm pregnant. I have to just accept it. Sigh... I've always known I wasn't going to be one of those stick figure pregnant people - that just wouldn't make any sense. I was never a stick figure non-pregnant person. I knew I'd spread in all directions. It's just a little hard to watch, that's all. I hope to have only gained the 3-4 pound average for the month at my next appt. I think my appt is only 2 weeks away, so I'll let you know!
That reminds me! IT'S A GIRL! I was so wrong! Hahahahaha! Now, remember: don't tell her when she grows up that I thought she was a boy for about a month. Ok, let me start over. We had our big ultrasound at 18 weeks, so 2 weeks ago. This little baby slept through the entire thing with her butt up in the air and her knees tucked under her belly. It was a bit on the painful side, this ultrasound, and made me incredibly nauseous, to the point that she had to stop and I had to roll over to my side to avoid actually getting sick right there on the table. The poor ultrasound tech said she practically threw her shoulder out trying to move the baby around - and that did not feel great for me either. But NOTHING would shake this baby out of her sound sleep. It wasn't very comforting to me that she slept, because at every previous ultrasound the little baby bug was moving ALL OVER the place. I know they slow down as they grow, but GEESH. I was concerned that something was wrong with her, which is nothing new I suppose. Luckily, she moved her hands some and she sucked her thumb, so that made me feel better. And her heart was beating away (still low though. i think it was 130, which was HUGELY lower than any previous doppler or ultrasound). The very next day at my OB appt, her heart rate was back up to 168, which was another indication that she was indeed just asleep during the ultrasound. When all was said and done the ultrasound tech apologized that we didn't have a more cooperative baby, which led us to believe that she never was able to gather the sex. Then in talking to her a little more, she said she was 90% sure it was a girl. We were shocked because she had been so vague through the whole ultrasound. At first we weren't even going to tell anyone she said it might be a girl, but the more we got to talking to people who had girls - they all were told 85-90%. It's the strangest thing - is it just that they don't want to commit to the sex because they couldn't see the penis but that's all they had to go by? I've heard that there are other things they look for - labia, tubes, ovaries, etc. but this woman didn't mention any of those things until after the ultrasound. She mentioned labia vs. scrotum. So I guess that means something. We're totally going with the girl thing. I'm registering for completely neutral things anyway - we plan on having more kids and don't want to end up with all pink things (like high chairs, strollers, pack n plays, etc. and frankly I'm not crazy about pink everything anyway) and we'll be sure to keep the tags on all the clothes or other pink things we get. It would be nice to know FOR SURE FOR SURE, but like my doctor said - 90% is quite a strong percentage and he knew this ultrasound tech specifically, and said she knew her stuff and wouldn't say 90% if she didn't feel strongly about it.
Moving right along, the ONLY one bummer that we found out during our ultrasound (we are so blessed that this is the ONLY one very minor bummer - and it's not even really a bummer for anyone but me) is that the placenta is on the very front of my uterus. All that really means is that I won't feel the baby for a little while longer than if the placenta were on the back or the top of the uterus. Some people tell me to thank my lucky stars, because otherwise our little miss would be keeping me awake at all hours, and I'd feel every little move. My dr told me I wouldn't get to feel any of the flutters that people talk about early on, and that when I started to feel anything it would be actual kicks. And FINALLY, yesterday, I felt 3 kicks! I was sitting at Good Harbor Beach with my family. It was so fun! It stopped me mid-sentence and everyone was so excited for me! Nothing since then, but that's ok. I know it'll happen. Just impatient to feel even MORE connected with this little baby bug!!!!
That brings me to the next topic...names! We have narrowed down our name choices to 2. For some reason I'm very open with our name choices and people's negative comments (which aren't many, to be honest) don't seem to bother me, or Ed for that matter, in the slightest. We love both names, and that's that. The tough decision is between Lainey and Drew. Ed has always wanted a little girl named Drew, but he also likes Lainey because it stems from the full name Madalena, after his mother. If we go with Drew, she'll likely be Drew Madalena, otherwise we'll name her Madalena (middle name yet to be determined) and call her Lainey. I love love love BOTH names. It might come down to seeing her little face in the hospital to decide. Ed's so easy, and he is happy either way. But I'm totally split down the middle. I love the name Drew, I really do. BUT I like the idea of giving her the choice to go by a less boyish name if she doesn't like having a more masculine name, but there really isn't a long name for Drew. Perfect example is my niece. She is Charley, and no one calls her anything BUT Charley. Ever. However, her real name is Charlisse, and so as she gets older if she feels like a more feminine and less cutesy name - she can go with Charlisse. And same with Lainey - it is kind of cutesy and maybe as she grows up, she'd rather be Madalena. But I reallllly love Drew. It's a great name I think. It just seems like SUCH a big decision! But not a stressful one, a fun one. I guess time will tell what we end up naming our daughter. Feel free to weigh in on your opinion on the names. I like to hear what people have to say about them. So far. Hahahahah! My sister in-law is the WORST. At the very beginning of all of this when I would be throwing names around she'd blurt out: I HATE THAT NAME! I KNEW A WICKED FAT GIRL WITH THAT NAME!!! Who says that?!?!? Ed's sister, that's who. Didn't talk me out of any names that I love though. Oh! I should mention that we were pretty settled on Reese right away. Cute, right? Then we told Ed's parents and they actually couldn't say it. They speak mostly Portuguese and there is no "R" sound in Portuguese. It sounds more like an "H" so she would be Heeeeeese - and a struggle to get that out, actually. It would just stink to have a little girl whose grandparents and aunts and uncles couldn't even say her name. Oh well. We both still love the name Reese, but it's just not for our family I guess.
I'm going to wrap it up here, but I'd like to say that 2 of my blogging friends have gotten some sad news in the last few weeks, regarding pregnancy and I'd just like everyone to send heartwarming vibes their way. TG and G, I'm constantly thinking of you. You both probably have stopped reading my blog, and I totally understand (all the happy happy baby baby talk isn't the most comforting for this time in your life, I know). But if you are reading this, my heart goes out to you both and I hope you're taking good care of yourselves. It totally bums me out that you're not blogging, and so I can't keep tabs on you, but I totally get it. Stay strong if you can, and let me know if there is ANYTHING I can do from way over here.
-Nissa
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Thursday, July 15, 2010
This and That
Here I sit at 17 weeks and 3 days pregnant, and I'm so happy to say that these last few weeks have just flown by! I'm really anxious to get to July 20th, so we can *hopefully* find out the sex of the baby, and I expected the weeks and days leading up to it would crawl. They haven't. Thank goodness! I've been feeling great, other than this pesky cold sore that hit me sometime between Friday night and Saturday morning. If you know me IRL, you know that cold sores are my biggest nightmare. Ever. I try not to leave the house, if possible, any time I have a cold sore. And this one? It's DEFINITELY the biggest one I've ever had. I'm pretty sure I say that every time I have one, but this one really is. I hear it's a pregnancy thing - when things like this attack, they REALLY attack. Sucks. But other than that, I feel great - which is a big reason of why this cold sore is bumming me out so badly! I've been on vacation (staying in town, just not working) all week, and today (Thursday!) is the first day I've been to the beach. As it is, I had errands to run (that I could've been running all week, had it not been for the damn cold sore!) first and didn't get to the beach until 3 pm. I did stay until 6pm, all by myself for the last hour and a half, and it was wonderful, but still. I had every intention to be there every sunny day that occurred during my vacation. Boooooooooooo.
I am definitely getting on that beach first thing tomorrow - after my 8:45 acupuncture appt. Whoop!
Have I ever mentioned how much I love acupuncture? Well, it's the most relaxing hour and 30 minutes I experience on a regular basis. My acupuncturist is my brother's best friend, and we grew up together. He's the most amazing guy I think I know (other than my husband, of course). He's such a free and kind spirit. He's helped my entire family with so many health issues- emotional, mental, and physical - any kind of ailment, you name it! Incredibly understanding, open minded, and just a pure willingness to help. Everyone. I love him. If you're ever in need of a good acupuncturist, go see Bill Crosby at The Well in Gloucester. I promise, you won't be disappointed. I went yesterday and I'm going tomorrow. I went all through my IVF cycle, and actually, have been going consistently since I moved back here in 2007. People ask me what I go for - general health and happiness, at this point. But I've gotten help for sleeplessness, general irritability, constipation, allergies, and a lot of other things that aren't coming to mind right now. He helps me with all these things. I think acupuncture is amazing. It helps me keep both of my feet on the ground. Ok, you get the point. I'm super happy to start my day tomorrow with acupuncture and then the beach. The picture above was the view from my chair at 5pm today. Lovely, isn't it?
On another note, our air conditioner/dehumidifier finally arrived yesterday (on the coldest and rainiest day of the summer, but whatevs). My dad helped us hook it up (ok, hooked it up for us), because it's a stand up AC (we have those tall crank windows that don't accept window units), and it was wonderful to get a cooooool night's sleep. I didn't sleep through the night, but I guess this pregnancy is getting me ready for lots of sleepless nights because honestly? I haven't slept through the night in about 14 weeks. Oh well. There are worse things. I will say though, when my husband wakes me up (rather than the strong pull to the bathroom to pee for the 3rd or 4th time through the night) with his snoring or midnight snack attack, I could strangle him. And he knows it. He laughs about it, but I think I sit straight up and give him a hard and cold stare. I'm sure it's a sight! I wonder if I'll ever have another full night of sleep. What a strange thought - maybe I won't.
Just in case anyone is wondering, my buddha belly is rather large today. I thought I'd share a photo of myself after I threw on my pjs when I got home from the beach today...
Thursday, July 1, 2010
SO much going on!
What I haven't mentioned is what's going on with my job... UGH! My job. I hate my job. What was keeping me going all this time, was the idea that I'd never have to worry about childcare. My bosses had both agreed (something we discussed way back before we even started trying last year) that it would be absolutely wonderful if I would bring my child(ren) to work with me.
As it is, I am a nanny for 3 kids (present ages 6, almost 5, and 14 months). In the fall both big kids will be in school most of the day, so it'll just be the little guy and my little one (after December). This job has been pure hell.
I have been a nanny for over 14 years, and I have loved almost every moment of it. I have had the pleasure of working with some WONDERFUL families, children and parents alike. In fact, I've liked the children more than the parents in almost all of my nannying situations. I was blessed to find the perfect family back when I was 19. I lived with them for 6 years and then continued to take care of the children and live out for the next 2 years. It was amazing. The parents, the kids. Everything. I'm still in touch with the whole family and see them once or twice a year (they still live in Colorado, and now I'm back in Massachusetts). Since that Boulder family, I've worked with 4 or 5 different families - a lot great kids with some NIGHTMARE parents (ok, mothers). I guess I got spoiled right off the bat, and so it was tough to ever find that perfect fit again.
And then I met this family that I work with now... They're great... The parents are both incredible. They're both doctors, and they're the kindest, most down to earth people I've ever met. The mother is from Ireland and the father from Detroit. Love. Them. Love my schedule. Love my pay. Love it all...almost.
The kids on the other hand, are a completely different story. They're adorable freckled little munchkins with gigantic blue eyes and you just want to eat them up as soon as you see them. And then. They speak. They scream at me how much they hate me, they leave me notes saying how much they hate me. They turn into devils at the very sight of me (in front of the parents or not). I should mention that the baby is a joy - I was working with the 2 big kids before Elijah was ever born, and so baby boy loves me...doesn't know life without me. I've been working with these kids for almost 2 years. In 2 years, these kids have only gotten worse. I feel so defeated. I have tried EVERYTHING. I mean EVERYTHING. It doesn't matter... I can do everything they want (although I'm not one to drop the disciplining of rude children just to win them over, so there's always that problem in their eyes) all day long, and as soon as one of the parents show up they go on and on about how dreadful the day was and how I didn't let them do anything they wanted, etc. They flat out lie. All. The. Time. The parents really do try with them, but they're total softies. They think they're not, but they are. Here's a perfect example of how frustrating my daily grind is: One day, just last week, both big kids were HORRENDOUS. By horrendous I mean throwing screaming and crying and kicking on the floor fits (not 2 year olds - 5 and 6 year olds!) because I wouldn't let them watch a 3 hour Harry Potter movie in the middle of a beautiful day. Keep in mind that I have never once let the children watch tv. Ever. It's part of how I nanny - I just don't do tv, and the parents totally agree. On a rainy day we may go to a special movie, but I'm all about crafts, baking, reading, etc. or most importantly playing outside. So anyway, the mother called to check in (which she NEVER does, but for some reason the gods were watching, and I got to show their mother just what I deal with) and I explained what was going on... She was HORRIFIED. Completely horrified. She (I'll just keep saying "she" because I don't want to use her name) insisted that both kids be sent to their rooms until she got home, which was 4 hours away. Sounds insane, I know. BUT. These kids do all but hang me up on the ceiling fan and I don't always feel at liberty to do things like this, so I thought it may teach them a lesson. They stayed up there for about an hour and I did bring them up their usual 3 o'clock snacks (because starving them wasn't really on the plan that day). They were not the least bit phased by the first 2 hours. Seriously. They were happily playing separately in their rooms. Mom called again to check and said: (ok, this is when I wanted to quit on the spot) "I'm concerned that the kids aren't getting any exercise today. I'm going to come home early, in about 20 minutes, and take them on a bike ride to the park." Um. Ok. So....all that big story about you guys are going to stay in your rooms for the next 4 hours, and then you'll come down for dinner and go to bed straight away! is out the window? Because you're worried your 5 and 6 year old won't get enough exercise today? So not only did they have a lovely bike ride to the park with mom, DAD even left work early so he could join the family at the park. Best day of their lives, as far as the kids were concerned. I just can't win.
I add absolutely nothing to these kids' lives. I'm being completely wasted on a family where I am not enriching anyone or anything. It totally sucks. I've NEVER cried at work (because of the kids) until I started working with these kids. I've even cried in front of them. To them, pleading with them to lighten up on me. Who does that? I certainly never have. And I'd like to mention that this was happening before I was pregnant, so it's not the pregnancy hormones. I also want to point out that Mom has also cried in front of and to her children about the same things. People! This doesn't happen. 5 and 6 year olds DO NOT MAKE THEIR PARENTS AND NANNIES CRY. Why is this acceptable in their family, and why can't I make them see how fucked up this is? I've tried people. I've sat down with both parents. We've all gone to dinner, out for drinks. We've talked at length. We've implemented sticker charts, different reward systems, we've revoked privileges, we've canceled play dates, exciting outings, etc. I've gone on one-on-one "dates" with each child, partaking in their most favorite activities just to try to bond (on my days off, I might add). I am at a complete loss.
The good news? Well, the good news is actually terrible news, that I've come to love. About a month and a half ago, out of the blue, Mom blurted out: Nissa, I've quit my job and decided to be a stay at home mom. Um. Excuse me? Come again? Here I was, 3 months pregnant and losing my job. I instantly realized just how lucky this family is to be about to have one parent home with them full time - if any family needs this, they're it. She apologized up and down and went on about amazing references and how I'm the best of the best and I'll be fine blah blah blah. All I kept thinking was how when I would be done (she gave me 3 months notice), I would be almost 6 months pregnant, a terrible time to look for a job. I didn't text my husband, I didn't call him. I waited until he got home from work, was all showered and was sitting down. I knew Ed was going to be completely stressed out over this. And he was. He is. I've cried, I've been mad, I've been...elated, actually. The kids have gotten progressively worse - now they practically sing ding-dong-the-witch-is-dead, knowing that my days are numbered. I'm going to miss Mom, Dad, and Baby Boy. How terrible is it that I've been working with 2 children that are just about my favorite ages and I'm not going to miss them. I really am so spent. So burnt out. So. Tired. And geez... this is supposed to be a nice and enjoyable time in my life...I'm pregnant with my first child, for crying out loud. Give me a break! Well, a break is what I'm getting, come the end of August.
I've gone and looked at a local preschool that really inspired me to take the one last class I need to teach there. Have I actually taken the steps to sign up for the class? No. But I'm seriously considering it.
Then, yesterday, I had a brilliant idea! Maybe I'll go back to school, full time, and finish my degree! I (so fucking stupidly!) stopped going to the University of Colorado with one (maybe 2) semester left FOR A BOY. A stupid boy - one that was NEVER good enough and NOTHING compared to my wonderful husband - asked me to take over his business (you know - work my ass off, so he gets all the $) and it was more than a full time job. That was 4 years ago. Ugh. I'm done with work in August, and my little Baby Bug is due on December 20th. I could potentially squeeze in an entire semester before I even bring the baby home. It's obviously a little risky - I could deliver early, get put on bed rest, etc. So should I do it? Maybe I should try online classes the first semester? I'm not sure. I think we could supplement my income with financial aid (we already owe so much between us - what's a few more thousand?) and then I could actually get a REAL JOB at the end of it all. I've ordered my transcripts from CU, put in a call to Salem State. We'll see. My brother is SO unbelievably excited. Well... Hahaha. It was over text, but I just know he is. I once got a text from my brother (maybe a year or so ago) saying that his life destiny was to see that I finished my degree. Well, Jesse Boy, it might be that time. It's my greatest failure and shame in life, and I think I'd be SO unbelievably happy and proud to finally have my degree. Yay. We'll see though. No promises yet.
So... There you have it. The work thing SUCKS in a whole lot of ways. BUT. It's almost over. That was actually one of the things that sucked, because now I'll have to figure out some kind of childcare, but hey... that's what people do, right? We can do that, too. But seriously. To justify daycare, I'll need to be making more money. As it is now, half my pay would go to daycare. Well, I guess we could justify that but it would just seem so crazy to leave home to take care of someone else's kids, and drop mine off at daycare on the way. Time will tell.
On the pregnancy front, things are great. I feel Ok. Not great all the time, but great a lot of the time and that's awesome, if you ask me. I still get waves of nausea and gag easily and frequently throughout the day, but I'm not actually throwing. Bonus. I can no longer hide that I'm pregnant... This weekend when Ed and I went to fiesta, a woman put out her cigarette when she saw I had a baby in my belly (thank you, nice woman), some old friends that didn't know I was pregnant took one look at me and squealed with delight and hugged me, and I also got one friend who said: "Wow! You've really popped in the last week!" Some of it, I know for sure, is all the bagels still hanging on, but I do look pregnant - especially in sun dresses. My outfit of choice these days (it's been SO hot here!).
Eating has gotten a little better. I have been able to eat things like fresh mozzarella with avocado and balsamic for dinner, rather than just a bagel or pasta. I still can't add the tomatoes into the mix or any other veggies yet - but it's progress. Baby steps. Fruit has been hitting the spot, too. I'm very thankful for that. I've been loving watermelon, mangoes, and very hard, very cold apples. Everything has to be cold, I might add. I've NEVER put avocados in the fridge - and I have always bought avocados and eaten them almost daily. They always stay out and I eat them at room temp. But now they go right in the fridge with everything else. Everything must be COLD COLD COLD. Pregnancy is so funny like that. The strangest things go on. Oh! I had been really wanting a delicious cold and crisp caesar salad for weeks, but everyone warned me against it (because of the raw egg some said, and the anchovies others said). But Saturday night we went out with friends and I had some of Melissa's. It was SO good, I almost ate it all! I kept scooping her salad onto my plate, as if I had no control over myself. She has 2 little ones and totally understood how I was feeling and encouraged me to go for it. We're going out for a friend's birthday tomorrow night, and I can't stop thinking about ordering a giant caesar salad! Yummmmmm! A cold caesar salad, I might add.
Today I decided to try my doppler - I mentioned before that I had a hard time being able to tell the difference between my heartbeat and the baby's and that the doppler never read over 130 or something like that - and the baby's heartbeat has always been between 156-177 at any appt I've been to. I had kind of given up on the doppler. Until today. Whoop whoop! When I go to bed at night, I lie flat on my back and gently run my hand over my stomach, and I'm telling you - I can actually feel my uterus sticking out. It's about half way between my belly button and my pelvic bone, maybe a smidge higher. And it's definitely there - harder than the rest, kind of the shape of a grapefruit, maybe a little more oval than round. Crazy, right? I even went so crazy as to question whether I could feel the baby's heart beating with my hand or if my own pulse was so strong that I was mistaken. I'm sure anyone would say I'm crazy, but I'm telling you. I could feel the rapid little heartbeat THROUGH my stomach. Ed thinks I"m crazy. Maybe I am. Hahaha. But back to the doppler! Today I pulled out the doppler and got onto my bed so I could find my uterus. Sure enough, the doppler picked up the baby's heartbeat (166 bpm) with no trouble at all, loud as can be, clear as can be, without even pressing down at all. And people. EXACTLY where I thought I felt the baby the other night. Does it confirm that I was actually feeling the baby? Absolutely not. Does it make me feel less crazy and kind of smile inside knowing that I think I felt my little Baby Bug? Absofrigginlutely!
Two and half more weeks until we find out that Baby Bug is a boy! Jk. Maybe he's a girl. Hahaha. I'm going to feel so so badly if I'm carrying and rubbing a baby girl - please don't tell her when she grows up that I thought she was a boy for a month. ;-)
So yes, I may be losing my job, but life is so so good.
And I should just take a moment to mention how amazing my husband is. (this may be TMI, but...) Sex drive is back, folks. Whoop! And my husband stuck it out (well, obviously. Hahaha. if he hadn't we'd be in big trouble). But seriously, it had been MONTHS upon MONTHS. In my defense, you really can't have sex during a lot of the IVF process. And frankly, I just didn't feel like it. I actually was a little concerned that I would never feel like it again. But. I was wrong.
Life. Is. Good.
Hope yours is, too!
As it is, I am a nanny for 3 kids (present ages 6, almost 5, and 14 months). In the fall both big kids will be in school most of the day, so it'll just be the little guy and my little one (after December). This job has been pure hell.
I have been a nanny for over 14 years, and I have loved almost every moment of it. I have had the pleasure of working with some WONDERFUL families, children and parents alike. In fact, I've liked the children more than the parents in almost all of my nannying situations. I was blessed to find the perfect family back when I was 19. I lived with them for 6 years and then continued to take care of the children and live out for the next 2 years. It was amazing. The parents, the kids. Everything. I'm still in touch with the whole family and see them once or twice a year (they still live in Colorado, and now I'm back in Massachusetts). Since that Boulder family, I've worked with 4 or 5 different families - a lot great kids with some NIGHTMARE parents (ok, mothers). I guess I got spoiled right off the bat, and so it was tough to ever find that perfect fit again.
And then I met this family that I work with now... They're great... The parents are both incredible. They're both doctors, and they're the kindest, most down to earth people I've ever met. The mother is from Ireland and the father from Detroit. Love. Them. Love my schedule. Love my pay. Love it all...almost.
The kids on the other hand, are a completely different story. They're adorable freckled little munchkins with gigantic blue eyes and you just want to eat them up as soon as you see them. And then. They speak. They scream at me how much they hate me, they leave me notes saying how much they hate me. They turn into devils at the very sight of me (in front of the parents or not). I should mention that the baby is a joy - I was working with the 2 big kids before Elijah was ever born, and so baby boy loves me...doesn't know life without me. I've been working with these kids for almost 2 years. In 2 years, these kids have only gotten worse. I feel so defeated. I have tried EVERYTHING. I mean EVERYTHING. It doesn't matter... I can do everything they want (although I'm not one to drop the disciplining of rude children just to win them over, so there's always that problem in their eyes) all day long, and as soon as one of the parents show up they go on and on about how dreadful the day was and how I didn't let them do anything they wanted, etc. They flat out lie. All. The. Time. The parents really do try with them, but they're total softies. They think they're not, but they are. Here's a perfect example of how frustrating my daily grind is: One day, just last week, both big kids were HORRENDOUS. By horrendous I mean throwing screaming and crying and kicking on the floor fits (not 2 year olds - 5 and 6 year olds!) because I wouldn't let them watch a 3 hour Harry Potter movie in the middle of a beautiful day. Keep in mind that I have never once let the children watch tv. Ever. It's part of how I nanny - I just don't do tv, and the parents totally agree. On a rainy day we may go to a special movie, but I'm all about crafts, baking, reading, etc. or most importantly playing outside. So anyway, the mother called to check in (which she NEVER does, but for some reason the gods were watching, and I got to show their mother just what I deal with) and I explained what was going on... She was HORRIFIED. Completely horrified. She (I'll just keep saying "she" because I don't want to use her name) insisted that both kids be sent to their rooms until she got home, which was 4 hours away. Sounds insane, I know. BUT. These kids do all but hang me up on the ceiling fan and I don't always feel at liberty to do things like this, so I thought it may teach them a lesson. They stayed up there for about an hour and I did bring them up their usual 3 o'clock snacks (because starving them wasn't really on the plan that day). They were not the least bit phased by the first 2 hours. Seriously. They were happily playing separately in their rooms. Mom called again to check and said: (ok, this is when I wanted to quit on the spot) "I'm concerned that the kids aren't getting any exercise today. I'm going to come home early, in about 20 minutes, and take them on a bike ride to the park." Um. Ok. So....all that big story about you guys are going to stay in your rooms for the next 4 hours, and then you'll come down for dinner and go to bed straight away! is out the window? Because you're worried your 5 and 6 year old won't get enough exercise today? So not only did they have a lovely bike ride to the park with mom, DAD even left work early so he could join the family at the park. Best day of their lives, as far as the kids were concerned. I just can't win.
I add absolutely nothing to these kids' lives. I'm being completely wasted on a family where I am not enriching anyone or anything. It totally sucks. I've NEVER cried at work (because of the kids) until I started working with these kids. I've even cried in front of them. To them, pleading with them to lighten up on me. Who does that? I certainly never have. And I'd like to mention that this was happening before I was pregnant, so it's not the pregnancy hormones. I also want to point out that Mom has also cried in front of and to her children about the same things. People! This doesn't happen. 5 and 6 year olds DO NOT MAKE THEIR PARENTS AND NANNIES CRY. Why is this acceptable in their family, and why can't I make them see how fucked up this is? I've tried people. I've sat down with both parents. We've all gone to dinner, out for drinks. We've talked at length. We've implemented sticker charts, different reward systems, we've revoked privileges, we've canceled play dates, exciting outings, etc. I've gone on one-on-one "dates" with each child, partaking in their most favorite activities just to try to bond (on my days off, I might add). I am at a complete loss.
The good news? Well, the good news is actually terrible news, that I've come to love. About a month and a half ago, out of the blue, Mom blurted out: Nissa, I've quit my job and decided to be a stay at home mom. Um. Excuse me? Come again? Here I was, 3 months pregnant and losing my job. I instantly realized just how lucky this family is to be about to have one parent home with them full time - if any family needs this, they're it. She apologized up and down and went on about amazing references and how I'm the best of the best and I'll be fine blah blah blah. All I kept thinking was how when I would be done (she gave me 3 months notice), I would be almost 6 months pregnant, a terrible time to look for a job. I didn't text my husband, I didn't call him. I waited until he got home from work, was all showered and was sitting down. I knew Ed was going to be completely stressed out over this. And he was. He is. I've cried, I've been mad, I've been...elated, actually. The kids have gotten progressively worse - now they practically sing ding-dong-the-witch-is-dead, knowing that my days are numbered. I'm going to miss Mom, Dad, and Baby Boy. How terrible is it that I've been working with 2 children that are just about my favorite ages and I'm not going to miss them. I really am so spent. So burnt out. So. Tired. And geez... this is supposed to be a nice and enjoyable time in my life...I'm pregnant with my first child, for crying out loud. Give me a break! Well, a break is what I'm getting, come the end of August.
I've gone and looked at a local preschool that really inspired me to take the one last class I need to teach there. Have I actually taken the steps to sign up for the class? No. But I'm seriously considering it.
Then, yesterday, I had a brilliant idea! Maybe I'll go back to school, full time, and finish my degree! I (so fucking stupidly!) stopped going to the University of Colorado with one (maybe 2) semester left FOR A BOY. A stupid boy - one that was NEVER good enough and NOTHING compared to my wonderful husband - asked me to take over his business (you know - work my ass off, so he gets all the $) and it was more than a full time job. That was 4 years ago. Ugh. I'm done with work in August, and my little Baby Bug is due on December 20th. I could potentially squeeze in an entire semester before I even bring the baby home. It's obviously a little risky - I could deliver early, get put on bed rest, etc. So should I do it? Maybe I should try online classes the first semester? I'm not sure. I think we could supplement my income with financial aid (we already owe so much between us - what's a few more thousand?) and then I could actually get a REAL JOB at the end of it all. I've ordered my transcripts from CU, put in a call to Salem State. We'll see. My brother is SO unbelievably excited. Well... Hahaha. It was over text, but I just know he is. I once got a text from my brother (maybe a year or so ago) saying that his life destiny was to see that I finished my degree. Well, Jesse Boy, it might be that time. It's my greatest failure and shame in life, and I think I'd be SO unbelievably happy and proud to finally have my degree. Yay. We'll see though. No promises yet.
So... There you have it. The work thing SUCKS in a whole lot of ways. BUT. It's almost over. That was actually one of the things that sucked, because now I'll have to figure out some kind of childcare, but hey... that's what people do, right? We can do that, too. But seriously. To justify daycare, I'll need to be making more money. As it is now, half my pay would go to daycare. Well, I guess we could justify that but it would just seem so crazy to leave home to take care of someone else's kids, and drop mine off at daycare on the way. Time will tell.
On the pregnancy front, things are great. I feel Ok. Not great all the time, but great a lot of the time and that's awesome, if you ask me. I still get waves of nausea and gag easily and frequently throughout the day, but I'm not actually throwing. Bonus. I can no longer hide that I'm pregnant... This weekend when Ed and I went to fiesta, a woman put out her cigarette when she saw I had a baby in my belly (thank you, nice woman), some old friends that didn't know I was pregnant took one look at me and squealed with delight and hugged me, and I also got one friend who said: "Wow! You've really popped in the last week!" Some of it, I know for sure, is all the bagels still hanging on, but I do look pregnant - especially in sun dresses. My outfit of choice these days (it's been SO hot here!).
Eating has gotten a little better. I have been able to eat things like fresh mozzarella with avocado and balsamic for dinner, rather than just a bagel or pasta. I still can't add the tomatoes into the mix or any other veggies yet - but it's progress. Baby steps. Fruit has been hitting the spot, too. I'm very thankful for that. I've been loving watermelon, mangoes, and very hard, very cold apples. Everything has to be cold, I might add. I've NEVER put avocados in the fridge - and I have always bought avocados and eaten them almost daily. They always stay out and I eat them at room temp. But now they go right in the fridge with everything else. Everything must be COLD COLD COLD. Pregnancy is so funny like that. The strangest things go on. Oh! I had been really wanting a delicious cold and crisp caesar salad for weeks, but everyone warned me against it (because of the raw egg some said, and the anchovies others said). But Saturday night we went out with friends and I had some of Melissa's. It was SO good, I almost ate it all! I kept scooping her salad onto my plate, as if I had no control over myself. She has 2 little ones and totally understood how I was feeling and encouraged me to go for it. We're going out for a friend's birthday tomorrow night, and I can't stop thinking about ordering a giant caesar salad! Yummmmmm! A cold caesar salad, I might add.
Today I decided to try my doppler - I mentioned before that I had a hard time being able to tell the difference between my heartbeat and the baby's and that the doppler never read over 130 or something like that - and the baby's heartbeat has always been between 156-177 at any appt I've been to. I had kind of given up on the doppler. Until today. Whoop whoop! When I go to bed at night, I lie flat on my back and gently run my hand over my stomach, and I'm telling you - I can actually feel my uterus sticking out. It's about half way between my belly button and my pelvic bone, maybe a smidge higher. And it's definitely there - harder than the rest, kind of the shape of a grapefruit, maybe a little more oval than round. Crazy, right? I even went so crazy as to question whether I could feel the baby's heart beating with my hand or if my own pulse was so strong that I was mistaken. I'm sure anyone would say I'm crazy, but I'm telling you. I could feel the rapid little heartbeat THROUGH my stomach. Ed thinks I"m crazy. Maybe I am. Hahaha. But back to the doppler! Today I pulled out the doppler and got onto my bed so I could find my uterus. Sure enough, the doppler picked up the baby's heartbeat (166 bpm) with no trouble at all, loud as can be, clear as can be, without even pressing down at all. And people. EXACTLY where I thought I felt the baby the other night. Does it confirm that I was actually feeling the baby? Absolutely not. Does it make me feel less crazy and kind of smile inside knowing that I think I felt my little Baby Bug? Absofrigginlutely!
Two and half more weeks until we find out that Baby Bug is a boy! Jk. Maybe he's a girl. Hahaha. I'm going to feel so so badly if I'm carrying and rubbing a baby girl - please don't tell her when she grows up that I thought she was a boy for a month. ;-)
So yes, I may be losing my job, but life is so so good.
And I should just take a moment to mention how amazing my husband is. (this may be TMI, but...) Sex drive is back, folks. Whoop! And my husband stuck it out (well, obviously. Hahaha. if he hadn't we'd be in big trouble). But seriously, it had been MONTHS upon MONTHS. In my defense, you really can't have sex during a lot of the IVF process. And frankly, I just didn't feel like it. I actually was a little concerned that I would never feel like it again. But. I was wrong.
Life. Is. Good.
Hope yours is, too!
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Who knew...
...you could stuff your face with carbs, eat NOTHING green and STILL lose 4 pounds??? Well, I suppose the fact that I lost half of those carbs just as quickly as I ate them helped. But still. Yay! I was SO worried that the doctor would scold me, but nope... He told me to stop worrying about gaining weight and that if I kept at this rate of weight gain (which is only 3 pounds since I actually got pregnant), I'd gain a total of about 25-30 pounds. Not bad. So that's my goal, 25-30 pounds. But tonight, Ed and I are heading down to FIESTA for a nice big Italian sausage with peppers and onions. And maybe even some fried dough. Fiesta is a BIG Italian festival here in our town, and I've never been so excited for a sausage in all my life! I'm sure plenty of Fiesta food will be eaten between now and Sunday, when fiesta ends. I'm also sure the heartburn will kick in just as I'm about to go to bed, but that won't keep me away.
The appt yesterday went well in all areas, not just the weight. The baby's heartbeat has slowed down some and was only 156 (which is completely normal and nothing to worry about). It's really right smack in the middle of normal, so any wives tales about the heartbeat being low and being a boy or being high and being a girl go out the window. Which is fine. I know it's a boy. Hahahahaha! Jk. I don't KNOW. I think I know though. I'm going to add a picture of myself that I took for my friend in Colorado. Here I am, at 14 weeks and 2 days:
Monday, June 21, 2010
14 Weeks and Counting!
So first I'd like to mention that my First Screening tests last week went well. They said the fluid behind the baby's neck (which if above a certain number is a sign of - not definitive, by any means - DS) was within the normal range. The ultrasound tech said we were at the very high end of the normal range, but I feel that was an unnecessary comment. Within normal is normal, right? I haven't heard anything about the blood tests that go with the First Screening tests, but that's because either a) they're waiting to tell me tomorrow at my OB appt or b) everything is fine. I'm pushing for the ladder (obviously).
I must say, the ultrasound last week was AMAZING! Absolutely amazing! Again - I'm so sorry, my dear husband, that I didn't have you come with me. Not that Ed minded staying home, since Portugal was playing in the World Cup, but still. I'd like to think he'd have chosen the most wonderful and detailed ultrasound of our little bambino over a soccer game. I certainly won't ask Ed what he would have chosen given the choice - for fear of the answer. Haha! I think he most certainly feels a little disconnected from this pregnancy, because everything that has happened so far is just what I tell him - can't see or feel anything himself, so I guess it makes sense. Back to the ultrasound... I was able to see arms and legs and a VERY active baby in there. The ultrasound tech was happy to see the baby moving so much, however, the little critter made her job very hard. Fine by me because that turned it into a 45 minute ultrasound. And then, wouldn't you know it, the baby stopped moving just when she was SO close to having him/her in the perfect position for the most important measurement of the ultrasound. So then she started jabbing my belly with the ultrasound probe to get the baby to move. I had to wiggle around and finally walk around a little to shake him up. We finally got the baby just right. Both ultrasound techs tried SO hard to find out the sex of the baby, too. Hahahaha! Here I was thinking I was going to be able to wait to find out and as soon as she asked if I'd like to know if she could tell, I blurted out: "YES!" I totally got my hopes up that I was going to be able to leave with a big giant secret to tell Ed, but it was too early. The baby was in the perfect position to be able to tell (complete spread eagle), but the sex organs weren't visible yet. Some may say that's indicative of it being a girl, but neither tech mentioned that. I guess we'll wait 4 more weeks to find out. So again, fantastic ultrasound. Got some great pics! I should post one, eh? I'll do that before I log off. Oh! I should mention that the baby's heart rate was 177 last week! That's still pretty high (normal range is 120-180 at this stage), but the ultrasound tech thought it could've been because he/she was SO active during that particular ultrasound.
Tomorrow I finally get to meet my doctor! Wooooooohooooooooo! I've heard GREAT things about this man, and I'm really hoping I like him as much as the few friends I know that have had him. I mean, after all, this man is going to be elbow deep for the next 5 1/2 months - I should really like him, right? I'm a little bit nervous about what this doctor might say about my weight gain. Ugh. I'm actually dreading what he might say about the unbelievable amount of pudge I have growing around the middle. For a minute I thought it was pretty hard and a baby bump. But now it's soft and it's totally a bagel bump. Oh boy. I have GOT to get a grip on this eating healthy and exercising thing.
I'd also like to point out that I'm convinced this baby growing inside me is a boy! I feel so strongly about it, that I could actually BUY boy things. But I won't. I'll wait. I know it's a 50/50 chance that I'm right. Or wrong. So, I'll wait. I get LOTS of girl guesses, but I'm pretty sure that is because of the weight I'm gaining. People always say the girls take the "pretty" out of you and you kind of gain weight all over. The boys are supposedly more of a basketball type of weight gain. Well, folks... I've just been eating LOADS of carbs. In my defense, they're all I've been able to stomach for the past few weeks. I'm starting to feel better and my energy is starting to come back, so hopefully my eating will get a little (ok, a lot) better soon. Yikes! Ok. Moving on... I'm also looking forward to seeing what the baby's heartbeat is tomorrow. I think I may have mentioned that I bought a Sonoline B fetal doppler so that I could hear the baby's heartbeat whenever I wanted... Well, it has never gotten a reading of more than 137. So if the baby's heart rate is higher than that tomorrow I'm probably going to lose the faith I have in this thing. Maybe as I get further along it'll get more accurate. We'll see.
Wish me luck tomorrow!
I must say, the ultrasound last week was AMAZING! Absolutely amazing! Again - I'm so sorry, my dear husband, that I didn't have you come with me. Not that Ed minded staying home, since Portugal was playing in the World Cup, but still. I'd like to think he'd have chosen the most wonderful and detailed ultrasound of our little bambino over a soccer game. I certainly won't ask Ed what he would have chosen given the choice - for fear of the answer. Haha! I think he most certainly feels a little disconnected from this pregnancy, because everything that has happened so far is just what I tell him - can't see or feel anything himself, so I guess it makes sense. Back to the ultrasound... I was able to see arms and legs and a VERY active baby in there. The ultrasound tech was happy to see the baby moving so much, however, the little critter made her job very hard. Fine by me because that turned it into a 45 minute ultrasound. And then, wouldn't you know it, the baby stopped moving just when she was SO close to having him/her in the perfect position for the most important measurement of the ultrasound. So then she started jabbing my belly with the ultrasound probe to get the baby to move. I had to wiggle around and finally walk around a little to shake him up. We finally got the baby just right. Both ultrasound techs tried SO hard to find out the sex of the baby, too. Hahahaha! Here I was thinking I was going to be able to wait to find out and as soon as she asked if I'd like to know if she could tell, I blurted out: "YES!" I totally got my hopes up that I was going to be able to leave with a big giant secret to tell Ed, but it was too early. The baby was in the perfect position to be able to tell (complete spread eagle), but the sex organs weren't visible yet. Some may say that's indicative of it being a girl, but neither tech mentioned that. I guess we'll wait 4 more weeks to find out. So again, fantastic ultrasound. Got some great pics! I should post one, eh? I'll do that before I log off. Oh! I should mention that the baby's heart rate was 177 last week! That's still pretty high (normal range is 120-180 at this stage), but the ultrasound tech thought it could've been because he/she was SO active during that particular ultrasound.
Tomorrow I finally get to meet my doctor! Wooooooohooooooooo! I've heard GREAT things about this man, and I'm really hoping I like him as much as the few friends I know that have had him. I mean, after all, this man is going to be elbow deep for the next 5 1/2 months - I should really like him, right? I'm a little bit nervous about what this doctor might say about my weight gain. Ugh. I'm actually dreading what he might say about the unbelievable amount of pudge I have growing around the middle. For a minute I thought it was pretty hard and a baby bump. But now it's soft and it's totally a bagel bump. Oh boy. I have GOT to get a grip on this eating healthy and exercising thing.
I'd also like to point out that I'm convinced this baby growing inside me is a boy! I feel so strongly about it, that I could actually BUY boy things. But I won't. I'll wait. I know it's a 50/50 chance that I'm right. Or wrong. So, I'll wait. I get LOTS of girl guesses, but I'm pretty sure that is because of the weight I'm gaining. People always say the girls take the "pretty" out of you and you kind of gain weight all over. The boys are supposedly more of a basketball type of weight gain. Well, folks... I've just been eating LOADS of carbs. In my defense, they're all I've been able to stomach for the past few weeks. I'm starting to feel better and my energy is starting to come back, so hopefully my eating will get a little (ok, a lot) better soon. Yikes! Ok. Moving on... I'm also looking forward to seeing what the baby's heartbeat is tomorrow. I think I may have mentioned that I bought a Sonoline B fetal doppler so that I could hear the baby's heartbeat whenever I wanted... Well, it has never gotten a reading of more than 137. So if the baby's heart rate is higher than that tomorrow I'm probably going to lose the faith I have in this thing. Maybe as I get further along it'll get more accurate. We'll see.
Wish me luck tomorrow!
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Goodbye, First Trimester!
I'm not sure how it happened, but we made it through the first trimester - and it wasn't nearly as long of a wait as I had expected! Incredibly thankful!
I'm not thrilled to report that I've been sicker these last few days than I have all along. I thought things were supposed to start winding down in the nausea department now, but apparently I'm holding out a little longer.
I've been incredibly tired, and definitely peeing a lot. Today a little less, which (hopefully) means I'm right on target and my uterus is moving up into the (much) bigger cavity of my stomach. Yay for less peeing!!!
I feel like Ed's getting annoyed with my lack of energy and motivation to do anything (like cooking or cleaning), although he swears he isn't. I hate to say it, but he'll just have to deal until I'm feeling better. I really do enjoy being a good little wifey and making all his meals, but I just can NOT get past the smells that come about when cooking and I have absolutely no energy to be like I usually am - before I got pregnant, I was up early enough to make Ed a nice big healthy breakfast, made sure his lunch was all ready to throw in his lunch box and in the evening I made sure we had a well balanced, healthy meal. Now? Not so much. I literally haven't cooked since I think I was 5 weeks pregnant. Not a single thing. This heightened sense of smell and quite strong gag reflex is amazing and very controlling. I thought for sure I was going to wake up last Monday (at 12 weeks) and feel better - trouble was, I did. And then I rushed myself off to the ER because I thought something was wrong. Hahahaha! Oh well. At least now I'm throwing up enough to KNOW that I'm pregnant.
I have an ultrasound this week and to be honest, I have NO idea what to expect. It's the NTS, which is a scan for measurements that can detect signs of down's syndrome. I'm not particularly worried or concerned that this baby might have DS, but the test is covered by our insurance, and the nurse suggested we just do it - better to be prepared, I suppose, even though we wouldn't take any different measures throughout the pregnancy if anything shows up for DS. Perhaps just mental preparation and research.
Still waiting for growing bbs. It's something I've been looking forward to my entire life...big bbs during pregnancy. In general, I don't mind being small chested. That being said, it's going to be nice to at least fill a B cup when the time comes. And I'm SURE it will come. Right? If not during pregnancy, certainly when I'm breastfeeding. Right? Watch...I'll turn in to the rare case where I remain an A cup. My ass will be the size of Cleveland, my belly ALREADY looks like I'm 6 months along, and I'll be swimming in my A cup. That'll be so unfair! But really - there are worse things, I suppose.
I already bought my first jar of Burt's Bees Thoroughly Therapeutic Body Butter, because I heard it's the best for stretch marks. I'm petrified of stretch marks! I know people say it's a badge of honor, yadda yadda yadda, but I do NOT want to look like this:
I think that's all I have to update with on the pregnancy front. I actually have a lot to update you all on other things, but right now I'm just so tired. I'm not sure how it got to be after 8pm already, but I have to get up super early tomorrow (and since I haven't been sleeping well AT ALL, I better get a head start!).
I hope everyone's doing well. Twelve Grapes, if you're out there, I'm thinking of you and anxiously awaiting your blog post. Hope everythings ok!!
-Nissa
I'm not thrilled to report that I've been sicker these last few days than I have all along. I thought things were supposed to start winding down in the nausea department now, but apparently I'm holding out a little longer.
I've been incredibly tired, and definitely peeing a lot. Today a little less, which (hopefully) means I'm right on target and my uterus is moving up into the (much) bigger cavity of my stomach. Yay for less peeing!!!
I feel like Ed's getting annoyed with my lack of energy and motivation to do anything (like cooking or cleaning), although he swears he isn't. I hate to say it, but he'll just have to deal until I'm feeling better. I really do enjoy being a good little wifey and making all his meals, but I just can NOT get past the smells that come about when cooking and I have absolutely no energy to be like I usually am - before I got pregnant, I was up early enough to make Ed a nice big healthy breakfast, made sure his lunch was all ready to throw in his lunch box and in the evening I made sure we had a well balanced, healthy meal. Now? Not so much. I literally haven't cooked since I think I was 5 weeks pregnant. Not a single thing. This heightened sense of smell and quite strong gag reflex is amazing and very controlling. I thought for sure I was going to wake up last Monday (at 12 weeks) and feel better - trouble was, I did. And then I rushed myself off to the ER because I thought something was wrong. Hahahaha! Oh well. At least now I'm throwing up enough to KNOW that I'm pregnant.
I have an ultrasound this week and to be honest, I have NO idea what to expect. It's the NTS, which is a scan for measurements that can detect signs of down's syndrome. I'm not particularly worried or concerned that this baby might have DS, but the test is covered by our insurance, and the nurse suggested we just do it - better to be prepared, I suppose, even though we wouldn't take any different measures throughout the pregnancy if anything shows up for DS. Perhaps just mental preparation and research.
Still waiting for growing bbs. It's something I've been looking forward to my entire life...big bbs during pregnancy. In general, I don't mind being small chested. That being said, it's going to be nice to at least fill a B cup when the time comes. And I'm SURE it will come. Right? If not during pregnancy, certainly when I'm breastfeeding. Right? Watch...I'll turn in to the rare case where I remain an A cup. My ass will be the size of Cleveland, my belly ALREADY looks like I'm 6 months along, and I'll be swimming in my A cup. That'll be so unfair! But really - there are worse things, I suppose.
I already bought my first jar of Burt's Bees Thoroughly Therapeutic Body Butter, because I heard it's the best for stretch marks. I'm petrified of stretch marks! I know people say it's a badge of honor, yadda yadda yadda, but I do NOT want to look like this:
I think that's all I have to update with on the pregnancy front. I actually have a lot to update you all on other things, but right now I'm just so tired. I'm not sure how it got to be after 8pm already, but I have to get up super early tomorrow (and since I haven't been sleeping well AT ALL, I better get a head start!).
I hope everyone's doing well. Twelve Grapes, if you're out there, I'm thinking of you and anxiously awaiting your blog post. Hope everythings ok!!
-Nissa
Monday, May 31, 2010
Ok, so maybe I'm a little crazy. Whatevs.
I should have updated last week....
Last Monday, on the day I hit 10 weeks, I had my first official OB appointment. I met with a nurse and was there for over 2 hours. It was an appointment jam packed with a LOT of information - all the dos and don'ts of pregnancy, what you can and can't eat, etc. I had heard most of the information at some point or another, but still a very helpful appointment. The two things that surprised me were 1) no bean sprouts or alfalfa sprouts (apparently the bacteria called Listeria lives and hides deep inside the sprout) and 2) I can only eat tuna fish salad 2-3 times a month. The book I have says you can have up to 12 oz of canned tuna a week (and I was having just about that). Oh well.
I had told Ed he didn't need to go with me to the appt., because it was just a bunch of paperwork and information. Little did I know, I was going to actually hear the baby's heartbeat! Yikes! It was very exciting, but I wish Ed had been there to hear it, too. The next ultrasound isn't supposed to be until 18 weeks, which is still 7 weeks away. I guess he'll just have to be patient.
At the end of my appointment the nurse handed me my slip for blood work and I headed over to the lab. While I was sitting in the waiting room, a nurse came out with this orange drink and told me I was to drink it and wait an hour and then have my blood drawn. Um...what? Isn't this glucose test given about half way through pregnancy? Then WHY on earth am I having it at 10 weeks???? I called over to my dr's office (it's in a different building and I couldn't leave while waiting for the glucose test), and the woman on the phone told me they give early glucose tests for 1 of 2 reasons: 1) you have previously had diabetes (nope) or 2) your BMI is rather high. Oh. Oh. Ok. Well, yes. That would be it. People? I had a glucose test because I'm SO FAT! Unbelievable! I actually was only slightly embarrassed and chuckled and got off the phone. And to be honest, I wasn't at all concerned that I might have gestational diabetes. I was certain I didn't, because I've always been a little on the plump side, AND I just finished 2 almost back to back cycles of IVF (avg weight gain is 10 lbs per cycle). I was still happy to hear the news that my glucose test came back absolutely fine (107) and there's nothing to worry about there.
Here's where the crazy comes in...
We had a very fun weekend - we had 2 birthday parties and a wedding on Saturday, then the Portuguese Crowning, and another birthday party on Sunday. About half way through the wedding, I realized I wasn't feeling sick. Like at all. I've been sick (to the point of throwing up) for about 4 weeks), all day, every day. To not be sick was alarming to me. Throughout this pregnancy I have had an overwhelming sense of extreme hunger. I can eat a big meal and about an hour or so later, my stomach is growling. Well, this wasn't happening at the wedding, and I hadn't even eaten much. I was really getting nervous. I woke up Sunday morning and STILL no nausea. I mentioned it to Ed the night before and he, too, was nervous. I tried to shake it off, but I just couldn't. In my mind, I knew something wasn't right. It was way too soon to stop being sick, so it had to mean something was wrong with the baby. All my fears were coming true. I cried my way through church, and actually had to excuse myself from some of the goings on yesterday, just so I could get it together. I thought of every possible way I had jinxed this pregnancy, and tried to come up with anything that may have put my baby at risk. It was a horrible day. And then again this morning, NO NAUSEA. Ugh.
I went to the ER at 7:30 this morning and was smuggled into a hustling and bustling scene straight off a nighttime drama that takes place in an emergency room (I swear, there were people flopping around and crying and running around - it was awful!) by my boss (who happens to be an ER doctor). My oh-so-kind-boss threw me in a room and threw a bottle of gel at me and told me to squirt it on my belly and she started the ultrasound. She thought she saw a heartbeat and a moving baby but couldn't be sure. The ultrasound machine was rather ancient, so it really didn't put my mind at ease. At all. I couldn't make anything out on the screen either. Nightmare!
So there we went, running (literally so she could get back and save people's lives asap!) down the halls and she begged the not-so-thrilled ultrasound tech to slap an ultrasound on my belly - low and behold, a bouncing baby with a quick heartbeat! Thank you, God! Such a difference in what I saw 3 weeks ago - what were arm buds last time were long and jointed waving arms and real hands and fingers. So cute! Apparently, I'm just done with "morning" (more like around the clock) sickness! Can I get a whoop whoop!??!?!? So now I will march forward in this pregnancy and try my hardest to just trust that everything is ok, until our next appt (which is in 3 weeks). I'm strongly considering renting a doppler. I think it'll really just put our minds at ease, if we can hear our little baby's heartbeat whenever we want. And they're really reasonably priced. I think you can get one for less than $50 a month.
So. A great weekend almost turned into a terrible weekend. I'm so so thankful that this baby is alive and kickin'! I was beyond terrified. Honestly. And poor Ed! He was beside himself! What a relief!!!
Hope everyone had a fantastic long weekend!
Last Monday, on the day I hit 10 weeks, I had my first official OB appointment. I met with a nurse and was there for over 2 hours. It was an appointment jam packed with a LOT of information - all the dos and don'ts of pregnancy, what you can and can't eat, etc. I had heard most of the information at some point or another, but still a very helpful appointment. The two things that surprised me were 1) no bean sprouts or alfalfa sprouts (apparently the bacteria called Listeria lives and hides deep inside the sprout) and 2) I can only eat tuna fish salad 2-3 times a month. The book I have says you can have up to 12 oz of canned tuna a week (and I was having just about that). Oh well.
I had told Ed he didn't need to go with me to the appt., because it was just a bunch of paperwork and information. Little did I know, I was going to actually hear the baby's heartbeat! Yikes! It was very exciting, but I wish Ed had been there to hear it, too. The next ultrasound isn't supposed to be until 18 weeks, which is still 7 weeks away. I guess he'll just have to be patient.
At the end of my appointment the nurse handed me my slip for blood work and I headed over to the lab. While I was sitting in the waiting room, a nurse came out with this orange drink and told me I was to drink it and wait an hour and then have my blood drawn. Um...what? Isn't this glucose test given about half way through pregnancy? Then WHY on earth am I having it at 10 weeks???? I called over to my dr's office (it's in a different building and I couldn't leave while waiting for the glucose test), and the woman on the phone told me they give early glucose tests for 1 of 2 reasons: 1) you have previously had diabetes (nope) or 2) your BMI is rather high. Oh. Oh. Ok. Well, yes. That would be it. People? I had a glucose test because I'm SO FAT! Unbelievable! I actually was only slightly embarrassed and chuckled and got off the phone. And to be honest, I wasn't at all concerned that I might have gestational diabetes. I was certain I didn't, because I've always been a little on the plump side, AND I just finished 2 almost back to back cycles of IVF (avg weight gain is 10 lbs per cycle). I was still happy to hear the news that my glucose test came back absolutely fine (107) and there's nothing to worry about there.
Here's where the crazy comes in...
We had a very fun weekend - we had 2 birthday parties and a wedding on Saturday, then the Portuguese Crowning, and another birthday party on Sunday. About half way through the wedding, I realized I wasn't feeling sick. Like at all. I've been sick (to the point of throwing up) for about 4 weeks), all day, every day. To not be sick was alarming to me. Throughout this pregnancy I have had an overwhelming sense of extreme hunger. I can eat a big meal and about an hour or so later, my stomach is growling. Well, this wasn't happening at the wedding, and I hadn't even eaten much. I was really getting nervous. I woke up Sunday morning and STILL no nausea. I mentioned it to Ed the night before and he, too, was nervous. I tried to shake it off, but I just couldn't. In my mind, I knew something wasn't right. It was way too soon to stop being sick, so it had to mean something was wrong with the baby. All my fears were coming true. I cried my way through church, and actually had to excuse myself from some of the goings on yesterday, just so I could get it together. I thought of every possible way I had jinxed this pregnancy, and tried to come up with anything that may have put my baby at risk. It was a horrible day. And then again this morning, NO NAUSEA. Ugh.
I went to the ER at 7:30 this morning and was smuggled into a hustling and bustling scene straight off a nighttime drama that takes place in an emergency room (I swear, there were people flopping around and crying and running around - it was awful!) by my boss (who happens to be an ER doctor). My oh-so-kind-boss threw me in a room and threw a bottle of gel at me and told me to squirt it on my belly and she started the ultrasound. She thought she saw a heartbeat and a moving baby but couldn't be sure. The ultrasound machine was rather ancient, so it really didn't put my mind at ease. At all. I couldn't make anything out on the screen either. Nightmare!
So there we went, running (literally so she could get back and save people's lives asap!) down the halls and she begged the not-so-thrilled ultrasound tech to slap an ultrasound on my belly - low and behold, a bouncing baby with a quick heartbeat! Thank you, God! Such a difference in what I saw 3 weeks ago - what were arm buds last time were long and jointed waving arms and real hands and fingers. So cute! Apparently, I'm just done with "morning" (more like around the clock) sickness! Can I get a whoop whoop!??!?!? So now I will march forward in this pregnancy and try my hardest to just trust that everything is ok, until our next appt (which is in 3 weeks). I'm strongly considering renting a doppler. I think it'll really just put our minds at ease, if we can hear our little baby's heartbeat whenever we want. And they're really reasonably priced. I think you can get one for less than $50 a month.
So. A great weekend almost turned into a terrible weekend. I'm so so thankful that this baby is alive and kickin'! I was beyond terrified. Honestly. And poor Ed! He was beside himself! What a relief!!!
Hope everyone had a fantastic long weekend!
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