Quick cycle!

So I hate to speak too soon, but really - this cycle hasn't been bad at all! I'm going to outline it just so it makes a little more sense:

Feb 19 - March 14 I took birth control pills (53 days without my period! whoop!)
March 19 blood test/ultra sound, Day 1 (period)
March 19 start Menopur (mix 3 vials powder w/1cc of sodium chloride) - shot in evening
March 20 start gonal f pen 225 units - shot in the morning, and menopur in evening
march 21 gonal f in morning, menopur in evening
march 22 blood test, gonal f in morning, menopur in evening
march 23 gonal f in morning, menopur in evening
march 24 blood test/ultra sound, gonal f in morning

Tomorrow, I'll wait for the call from the nurse with further instructions. I was very surprised when I got the call yesterday (following my blood test) saying that I would most-likely have my egg retrieval over the weekend, and the embryo transfer early-mid next week. That means 7-10 days of prep time. That's just nuts to me - since it was 22 days before the retrieval last time.

Although the side effects are certainly effecting me, they're different side effects. Side effects that I'm receiving with open arms because they're NOT raging, screaming, bitching hormonal side effects. I'm sure Ed's happy about that, too! I don't love the headache and the lack of energy and the bloatedness, but again - I'll take it over being a nut like last time. But like I said earlier, I don't want to speak too soon... Still 4 more medications to throw into the mix before it's all said and done.

Today is a day of positivity, and it feels great! Although it's raining and gloomy outside, I'm managing to feel rather hopeful. I think it's acupuncture - it makes such a difference in my frame of mind. My acupuncturist (and dear friend) told me this morning that my tongue looks the best it's ever looked. I'm pumped to hear that, because I've been borderline anemic and I've strived (through diet) to turn that around. I seriously am so proud of myself for turning that around. I need to not be anemic to get pregnant and carry a baby - it's not impossible to get pregnant with anemia but it's very helpful to NOT be anemic. Finally, a goal accomplished through diet! Even if it's not actually losing weight, at least this is a step in the right direction. It's a diet that leads to better health and you just can't beat that.

So I honestly can't remember if I've talked statistics on here about the fact that there's a 48.8% chance that I'll ever get pregnant - if not, I'd like to mention how stuck on that statistic I have been. I keep trying to remind myself that without fertility treatment there is a 0% chance I'd ever get pregnant, and so I'm extremely lucky and blessed to even have that whopping 48.8% chance. And I'm grateful. I am. Thank God for the amazing world of technology and fertility! But holy moly - that's LESS than 50%! Yikes! But again - I'm having a positive day - I'm positive I'm going to get pregnant!

I also want to mention how incredibly LUCKY we are for so many reasons during our IF (infertility) journey, on so many levels. I've read some other IF blogs and boy - they can be really depressing. My heart really goes out to these women and their husbands. First of all, we are ridiculously lucky to just live in Massachusetts during this time of our lives!!!! I just read that one woman paid out $10,536 to her fertility clinic and almost $800 to the pharmacy for one cycle of IVF. Ed and I are covered for at least 3 IVF cycles - we have paid maybe 4 co-pays of $25 and $156 for the first round of meds and $165 for this current round of meds. I think we paid $250 for the first surgery (tubal ligation, ultimately) back in November. That's it. We're so fortunate! If we had to make these decisions based on whether or not we had an extra $11,000 lying around, I'm afriad there'd be no decision to make! We'd just have to accept that.

Also, Ed and I are super lucky to have the relationship we have! We talk. Thankfully, we talk and talk and talk. I'm not going to lie, Ed has a tendency to pick fights (over the most ridiculous things!) with me at exactly the WRONG time - like the very first day of fertility cycles, or the day I get home from surgery and I'm supposed to be babied and treated very gently. But I've learned to just not give into that and curl up in a ball in the bedroom and watch tv until he realizes that he's freaking out (inside, emotionally), too. It's not the most fun way to interact, but we're figuring it out. We also were VERY effected by the hormone injections (see raging bitch above) during our last cycle, so that brought on lots of fighting. Other than that, for the most part, Ed and I talk about all of our feelings and our emotions surrounding fertility. We're on the same page - try and try and try. Don't give up. Again, I'm sure it would be harder to make that deicision if we dropped $11,000 every time we tried. But for now, we're lucky. We're hopeful. We WILL get pregnant. I know that.

I am torn about these other blogs... I'm not sure if I should stop reading these blogs. On one hand, they're really showing me how often fertilility treatments don't work. One blog is entitled: Dreams Really Do Come True. I thought: Finally! I can read a blog that has a positive spin on things. Well, it did. Sort of. This couple became parents, yes. But they adopted. While we're not opposed to adoption, we're just not ready to let go of our dream to have a biological child. So to me, that was not necessarily a happy blog for me to read. Then I found a blog that was called: You, Me and the Petri. Cute titles out there! She was pregnant with twin boys! Whoop! But her story wasn't similar enough to give me that feeling of: Yes! We're on the same page! She got pregnant on her first IVF cycle, and we failed our first cycle. Ugh. Oh well - she DID get pregnant through IVF, and that's what matters. On the other hand, these blogs make me realize just how lucky of a situation I'm in and that keeps my hope alive. I have to say - this whole business of having to have at tubal ligation last November (which I thought was such a HUGE problem in having a baby) is really a minor set back. If I had trouble with my eggs, or if Ed had trouble with his sperm, we'd be MUCH worse off. I'm very thankful for so many reasons surrounding our infertility. Positive and thankful today. It feels good.