Yikes!

...it's been too long! I just checked and the last time I blogged was on July 15th. Sorry about that. Lots going on...

Just to quickly fill you in on what's been going on:
I'm planning my 15 year class reunion. The reunion is this weekend, and when I'm home and have time to be on the computer, I'm pretty much working on reunion stuff. I should mention that I'm planning this reunion BY MYSELF. It was my idea, and that's all fine and good, but GEESH! A little more work than I really need at 5 months pregnant! I'm really excited for the actual reunion though! I'm one of those people who remembers everyone and LOVES to bump into old friends and classmates! I'm constantly reminding people who I am, when I rush them with open arms and they stare blankly at me because it's been 15 years! A reunion is right up my alley!

My brother and his family are in town! It's absolutely wonderful to have them all here, but it, too, takes up a lot of my free time. I've been lucky enough to see them EVERY day, which is great! I miss living close to them - they live in Denver. 2,000 miles away from my niece and nephew is definitely not the greatest. I only get to see them 2-3 times a year. So anyway, that's where I've been!

On the pregnancy front, I'm halfway there! Whoop whoop! On one hand, I can't believe it's half way over. But on the other hand, I can't believe I still have to get through the second half! For a little while there, I was feeling A LOT better. Now feeling great comes and goes. I'll take what I can get, let me tell you, because when I'm feeling lousy there is just no hiding it. I've gotten HORRIBLE headaches, still nauseous from time to time (I was incredibly nauseous for most of today, and gagging and heaving all day), and I canNOT sleep these days. I don't know what the problem is.

The very day that we got the air conditioner (maybe 3 weeks or so ago) I slept like a log for about 2 weeks. And now in the last week or so I've been sleeping pretty soundly for 3-4 hours and then once I wake up to go to the bathroom (which is pretty much unavoidable, no matter how little I drink at night) I cannot get back to sleep. It's SO frustrating! I could cry every morning around 4-5am, when I wake up because I just know I'm not going to easily fall back to sleep. I will say that I usually am woken up when my dear husband gets up to use the bathroom and that REALLY frustrates me. There's obviously nothing he can do about it, but I wonder if I'd be able to sleep through the night if say, Ed slept on the couch????? Poor Ed. I would never ask him to do this, but I AM curious. It's not like I wake up on my own because I have the need to pee...he gets up to pee, and then once I'm awake I realize I REALLY have to pee. (sorry for using the word pee over and over but it just sound better than urinate) Sometimes I whine to him and say: "Just one morning I want to be able to sleep past 5am!" But again - what's he going to do about it? I'm very lucky and my husband is SO great to me and does EVERYTHING under the sun to make this pregnancy easier. If only I could somehow get him to hold his pee longer, he'd be perfect! Oh well.

Warning: this next paragraph is about sex. If you don't feel comfortable reading, skip to the following paragraph.
So, I mentioned in one of my last posts that my sex drive had returned. Well, this still stands true. BUT. And a big giant BUT indeed... Poor Ed has lost interest. I don't know if it's really that he's lost interest necessarily, but he's scared that we're hurting the baby and so he really doesn't want to have sex. At all. It's such a bummer, because the few times that we did have sex, it was unbelievable. And I had heard this...orgasms during pregnancy are intensified (due to increased blood flow) for some, and that seemed true for me. But NOT for Ed. It kind of makes me laugh to think about how he was so preoccupied with jostling the baby around that he couldn't think of anything else (think Knocked Up). So, ultimately, sex turned into something that we were doing just for me. Part of me thinks that's fine, but the other part of me gets fixated on how NOT into it Ed is and then it makes me not want to even go there. Ugh. Kind of a disaster for me because I tend to over analyze our entire relationship...are we going to drift too far apart....are we ever going to recover...how long after the baby's born will it be normal again...and then we'll have an infant IN THE ROOM...how's that going to work out for us? A million questions surrounding sex and our relationship and our future go through my mind. I mentioned this to my doctor and really, all he could say was that I needed to really explain to Ed that sex doesn't bother the baby at all. Well, we've read that, I know that. And Ed knows that, too. He just has a hard time believing it I guess? I don't know. I don't think it's that he's not attracted to me, because he seems to be. He seems to love my body. I guess, actually, as I ponder this more, that he thinks I look so cute. Perhaps he's not that attracted to me sexually? I don't know. I can't really go there, because even if he isn't, what can I do about it? I'm gaining weight (rapidly, I might say) and that's just the way it's going to be for the next few months. I just read on the bump.com that this is a common problem with husbands, for many different reasons. I felt so badly for the women who were posting on the wall about this stuff - some husbands flat out said they weren't attracted to their wives anymore, or that they were turned off completely by the pregnancy. I certainly don't feel like that. I think it's more that Ed is nervous about stirring things up down there. One day I randomly got a text from Ed telling me that it bothered him and he felt so badly that I was having a hard time accepting that I'm gaining so much weight. He told me to try really hard to let it go and that we would work on it togehter after the baby came and that he thinks I'm "drop dead" no matter what. He's really so so sweet to me, so I can't complain. I would like to have sex though. Ha! Ok, moving on...

Let's talk about weight gain, shall we? Even pregnant, I can't let go of the weight thing. I had my OB appt 2 weeks ago and really all that went on there was weight, urine test, doppler (which I do at home, but it's still kind of a big deal and I still smile every time - THIS time we could hear her kicking up a storm for the first time), and some chatting about this and that. Last month (now 6 weeks ago), I had actually lost 4 pounds for the month. That was very exciting to me, as you may remember from my blog post, because I was convinced I was gaining a ton of weight that month. This month, it was quite the opposite. I thought for sure that I had pretty much stayed the same. Looking back, I'm not sure how I rationalized this in my mind, but nonetheless, I did. Turns out I gained TEN POUNDS in 4 weeks. That brought me up to a total of 17 pounds in 18 weeks. Wow. Just wow. How did that happen?!??! Well, I know exactly how it happened! Ice cream 5 out of 7 nights a week, bagels with cream cheese every morning for breakfast, dessert every single time we eat out (which has been a lot lately - birthdays and social gatherings, etc.) and a continued strong aversion to vegetables - especially leafy green vegetables. Thanks goodness for prenatal vitamins!

I was really feeling ok with all this, because I felt cute. I love looking pregnant! Then I saw some pictures of myself from last night. YIKES! It seems I'm gaining weight all over, and it ain't so cute anymore. Hahahaha! I was cute for a couple of weeks. Now I can totally see the weight gain in my neck and chin and face, not to mention my back and arms. Not so fun. But hey - I'm pregnant. I have to just accept it. Sigh... I've always known I wasn't going to be one of those stick figure pregnant people - that just wouldn't make any sense. I was never a stick figure non-pregnant person. I knew I'd spread in all directions. It's just a little hard to watch, that's all. I hope to have only gained the 3-4 pound average for the month at my next appt. I think my appt is only 2 weeks away, so I'll let you know!

That reminds me! IT'S A GIRL! I was so wrong! Hahahahaha! Now, remember: don't tell her when she grows up that I thought she was a boy for about a month. Ok, let me start over. We had our big ultrasound at 18 weeks, so 2 weeks ago. This little baby slept through the entire thing with her butt up in the air and her knees tucked under her belly. It was a bit on the painful side, this ultrasound, and made me incredibly nauseous, to the point that she had to stop and I had to roll over to my side to avoid actually getting sick right there on the table. The poor ultrasound tech said she practically threw her shoulder out trying to move the baby around - and that did not feel great for me either. But NOTHING would shake this baby out of her sound sleep. It wasn't very comforting to me that she slept, because at every previous ultrasound the little baby bug was moving ALL OVER the place. I know they slow down as they grow, but GEESH. I was concerned that something was wrong with her, which is nothing new I suppose. Luckily, she moved her hands some and she sucked her thumb, so that made me feel better. And her heart was beating away (still low though. i think it was 130, which was HUGELY lower than any previous doppler or ultrasound). The very next day at my OB appt, her heart rate was back up to 168, which was another indication that she was indeed just asleep during the ultrasound. When all was said and done the ultrasound tech apologized that we didn't have a more cooperative baby, which led us to believe that she never was able to gather the sex. Then in talking to her a little more, she said she was 90% sure it was a girl. We were shocked because she had been so vague through the whole ultrasound. At first we weren't even going to tell anyone she said it might be a girl, but the more we got to talking to people who had girls - they all were told 85-90%. It's the strangest thing - is it just that they don't want to commit to the sex because they couldn't see the penis but that's all they had to go by? I've heard that there are other things they look for - labia, tubes, ovaries, etc. but this woman didn't mention any of those things until after the ultrasound. She mentioned labia vs. scrotum. So I guess that means something. We're totally going with the girl thing. I'm registering for completely neutral things anyway - we plan on having more kids and don't want to end up with all pink things (like high chairs, strollers, pack n plays, etc. and frankly I'm not crazy about pink everything anyway) and we'll be sure to keep the tags on all the clothes or other pink things we get. It would be nice to know FOR SURE FOR SURE, but like my doctor said - 90% is quite a strong percentage and he knew this ultrasound tech specifically, and said she knew her stuff and wouldn't say 90% if she didn't feel strongly about it.

Moving right along, the ONLY one bummer that we found out during our ultrasound (we are so blessed that this is the ONLY one very minor bummer - and it's not even really a bummer for anyone but me) is that the placenta is on the very front of my uterus. All that really means is that I won't feel the baby for a little while longer than if the placenta were on the back or the top of the uterus. Some people tell me to thank my lucky stars, because otherwise our little miss would be keeping me awake at all hours, and I'd feel every little move. My dr told me I wouldn't get to feel any of the flutters that people talk about early on, and that when I started to feel anything it would be actual kicks. And FINALLY, yesterday, I felt 3 kicks! I was sitting at Good Harbor Beach with my family. It was so fun! It stopped me mid-sentence and everyone was so excited for me! Nothing since then, but that's ok. I know it'll happen. Just impatient to feel even MORE connected with this little baby bug!!!!

That brings me to the next topic...names! We have narrowed down our name choices to 2. For some reason I'm very open with our name choices and people's negative comments (which aren't many, to be honest) don't seem to bother me, or Ed for that matter, in the slightest. We love both names, and that's that. The tough decision is between Lainey and Drew. Ed has always wanted a little girl named Drew, but he also likes Lainey because it stems from the full name Madalena, after his mother. If we go with Drew, she'll likely be Drew Madalena, otherwise we'll name her Madalena (middle name yet to be determined) and call her Lainey. I love love love BOTH names. It might come down to seeing her little face in the hospital to decide. Ed's so easy, and he is happy either way. But I'm totally split down the middle. I love the name Drew, I really do. BUT I like the idea of giving her the choice to go by a less boyish name if she doesn't like having a more masculine name, but there really isn't a long name for Drew. Perfect example is my niece. She is Charley, and no one calls her anything BUT Charley. Ever. However, her real name is Charlisse, and so as she gets older if she feels like a more feminine and less cutesy name - she can go with Charlisse. And same with Lainey - it is kind of cutesy and maybe as she grows up, she'd rather be Madalena. But I reallllly love Drew. It's a great name I think. It just seems like SUCH a big decision! But not a stressful one, a fun one. I guess time will tell what we end up naming our daughter. Feel free to weigh in on your opinion on the names. I like to hear what people have to say about them. So far. Hahahahah! My sister in-law is the WORST. At the very beginning of all of this when I would be throwing names around she'd blurt out: I HATE THAT NAME! I KNEW A WICKED FAT GIRL WITH THAT NAME!!! Who says that?!?!? Ed's sister, that's who. Didn't talk me out of any names that I love though. Oh! I should mention that we were pretty settled on Reese right away. Cute, right? Then we told Ed's parents and they actually couldn't say it. They speak mostly Portuguese and there is no "R" sound in Portuguese. It sounds more like an "H" so she would be Heeeeeese - and a struggle to get that out, actually. It would just stink to have a little girl whose grandparents and aunts and uncles couldn't even say her name. Oh well. We both still love the name Reese, but it's just not for our family I guess.

I'm going to wrap it up here, but I'd like to say that 2 of my blogging friends have gotten some sad news in the last few weeks, regarding pregnancy and I'd just like everyone to send heartwarming vibes their way. TG and G, I'm constantly thinking of you. You both probably have stopped reading my blog, and I totally understand (all the happy happy baby baby talk isn't the most comforting for this time in your life, I know). But if you are reading this, my heart goes out to you both and I hope you're taking good care of yourselves. It totally bums me out that you're not blogging, and so I can't keep tabs on you, but I totally get it. Stay strong if you can, and let me know if there is ANYTHING I can do from way over here.

-Nissa